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I'll not go into depth on the software installation process beyond saying that it was a bit of a pain, and at one point I messaged my editor to declare the test null and void, before working it out. With a deep breath, I doff my strides and settle the device down onto my curious manhood. Actually, that's the second thing I notice, the first being "HNNNNGGGGGGHHH."Every up and down stroke of the porn starlet's hand is replicated in real time.

Expect to invest some time here; plug (and plug) and play, this is not. With the wife and labrador looking on in amusement, I cue up my first Realtouch porn video, warm up the device and poke a finger in. Nothing's moving yet but it still feels pretty damn nice. When she licks along the bottom of her co-star's shaft, only the bottom belt in the Realtouch device moves – and it damn well moves in the right direction.

It looks like a large, plastic marrow, or perhaps a mechwarrior's forearm – with a cable exiting the rear and a particularly utilitarian looking rubber slit in the front.

My wife may not be too impressed if she finds out I put it on the kitchen scales, so let's keep that between us, OK?

The overall effect, however, is nothing short of eye-popping.

It's an astounding multimedia pleasure cascade over which you have very little control – sure, you can dial up and down the "intensity" and add a shot of lube through a little on-screen interface if you like, but at the end of the day, you're at the mercy of the porn stars on screen.

When she chokes on him, you can feel it as she gags.

Without putting too fine a point on it, each of the actresses' entryways feel different too - the vagina being significantly warmer and wetter than the mouth, and the rear end somewhat tighter and with a strange stuttering feel I'm not sure I like.

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I've tested a fair few gadgets in my time at Gizmag – from upmarket beanbags to high-powered motorcycles and smart pens.